In the past eight years I’ve tried to start a blog probably three or four times. I’m drawn to the the idea daily but I always seem to fail to keep it going. I have a good few months of solid writing and then I lose it. Life happens and I can’t keep up. I have to realize there are always going to be priorities in life…my family, my health, my finances. But writing brings me so much joy and stress relief, I should be able to make time to write.
I think the main reason I stopped was fear. A blog is different than a private journal. I fear that no one will want read what I write, I fear that I will be misunderstood, I fear that I’m not strong enough to take the potential criticisms, I fear that what I talk about won’t resonate with people, I fear that people will question my credibility. I failed because I was afraid. The whole reason I want to blog is to share my ideas and sharing ideas comes with feedback and that’s a good thing! I blame my fear on my younger self…
Ever since I was little, I’ve lived very cautiously. I was a tad shy around people I didn’t know, I liked to observe rather than participate in activities at school or with friends. I didn’t like raising my hand class or being put on the spot to guess how much the bill was at the restaurant…even if it was all in fun with my parents and brother…they’ll tell you! I wasn’t a competitive person and I avoided conflict. I was afraid to be wrong and I was afraid to speak my mind.
I used to think I was just plain indecisive but really looking back at it all, I just cared what people thought about me, about what I did and about what I said. I wanted to be liked and I didn’t want to be judged or made fun of so I didn’t like to put myself out there, I kept it simple. I followed the rules and agreed with the popular vote OR I sat on the sidelines and didn’t say anything. I had my brave moments as I went through high school and I had plenty of friends and positive experiences but if I wasn’t 100% confident in what I was doing or saying, I probably didn’t do or say it.
College was trickier, I got to a point where I was trying so hard to be someone that everyone liked I started not to like myself…I got through it but I knew I had a long way to go before I was comfortable in my own skin.
I’ve grown A LOT since then. And I chalk a lot of that up physiology. They say the brain isn’t fully developed until you are 25 years old and I feel like something clicked for me. I stopped caring so much about the little things and I became more confident in my abilities and my knowledge.
Then! A couple years later I got lucky and found a man who believed in me (and still does!) and didn’t give up on me when I got scared. His support gave me even more strength. And then! Something else happened when we had our son. The feeling of unconditional love and being responsible for someone else’s life is one hell of a motivator.
Through all of this I also recognized my weaknesses from when I was younger, and I still have my insecurities, but I know who I am and I know what I can handle. I did a lot self discovery by reading, writing and learning from other people’s stories.
So here’s what I’m coming to terms with, it’s okay to be afraid. Taking a risk and putting yourself out there is scary. But often the reward outweighs the risk. It’s okay that my blog posts aren’t for everyone. I’m going to keep writing because I enjoy it and I feel like I have something to share with the world, and hopefully some of you will keep reading!
I’m not perfect but I’m here for you (and for me), blogging about life, self improvement, being a mom and trying new things.
If there is something you want me to write about, shout it out!
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